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you passed by, didn't notice me
my surroundings suddenly changed
it became fall, even winter
by the coldness of your presence
the sun that shone upon me
suddenly covered with an eclipse
with your eyes as you passed by
darken my once bright yesterdays
did you see me, i ask?
as you walk with eagerness in that path
how could i have expected such being
to make a thing like understanding last...

IRONY

i like your smile a lot

how you stand out from a crowd

the passion in your heart, i admire

once you do anything you want

i like the way you make fun of yourself

the way you act around

i like the way you talk

as you answer some question i ask

i like the way you held my hand

and squeeze it with gentleness

i like the way you kissed my cheek

as we ended in my home's path

i hate the way your making me feel right now

clueless, stupid to fall for your trap

i am not sure of what you want

that's why your sweetness is causing me pain

don't make me fall for you, i ask

with your gentleness and caring

don't make me fall for you, now i beg

if you're not sure of falling for me too...

he has occasional flashes of silence, that makes his conversation perfectly delightful..

-Sydney Smith-

if a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts, he shall end in certainties..

-Francis Bacon-

some there be that shadows kiss; some have but a shadow's bliss..

-Shakespeare-

once again, i'm a freshmen...

new places, new building, new house, new friends.. that's what i encounter as i enter UST.. new faces since my our barkada in high school went to different universities.. even if we promised to each other that we'll remain as friends and of course, our communication, we still ban't help meeting new people..

as of now, i'm still adjusting to the environment.. even if i already studied here in manila for four years, the college environment is what i am adjusting in.. it's good to know, and at the same time a little bit pressured on my side, that our professors/instructors expect a lot from us since we belong in section 1A1,, first section as they refer to.. it's very flattering because at last, after four years in high school, being an average because all of your batchmates are geniuses like you in their previous school, i feel proud.. not that i wasn't proud at all entering a prestigious high school but the environment, most of them are competition.. at least now in college, i have the motivation to study hard and aim higher than before..

staying in a dorm isn't hard because your away from your family.. it's hard because when you have emergencies like your sick or you have to pay something in school, you won't be able to get help right away.. in my case, it's a bit easier coz my mom works here in manila.. but right now, unfortunately, my mom is away for a business trip and i'm stuck in the dorm with cough and colds.. that's why i have to buy my own medicine using my own money for the meantime until she gets back.. that's what difficult in living in a dormitory..

as a whole, i'm excited about college life.. good, air-conditioned rooms, new set of friends and professors, dormitory, these are some of the things i'm looking forward to in college.. i hope i'll have fun while studying.. study hard, aim higher!

"i'll shine like a pearl, glisten like a water.. in the midst of the dark forest, i'll give light to myself and the others."

friendship, friends.. domineering?!?

domineering.. it means, officious.. officious, meaning over-assertive.. over-assertive can be used as another term form possessive.. so ok, i've used the thesaurus offered by the MS Word just to get these terms.. clearly, you got my point about this article.. when friendship is somewhat tampered with the possessiveness of the other person involved.. when friend(s) tend to be possessive..

i am recently suffering from this kind of situation, obviously.. i don't know what to do about her.. she keeps bugging me about questions about friendship and everything.. she asks me what kind of friend she is to me, what can i say to her being my friend, etc.. those type of questions.. i had already said to her, in a nice way as i may say so, that i don't like to answer those kind of questions because it doesn't need to be discussed.. yung tipong, hindi na naman natin kailangan i discuss yan.. it doesn't need to be said, nasa actions naman yun eh.. i thought after saying something like that i thought things would get ok.. yes, it did, but for about a day or two only.. i don't what happened again but she started asking me again similar questions.. i really don't like talking about those stuff coz i think it's cheezy.. i'm starting to get irriteted whenever she asks me those question though she knows that i don't want to talk about it.. i mean, sure, she's really a good friend of mine, great as i may say but she tends to be emotional.. and now she's mad, i know so because of her GM, because i'm not answering any of her texts.. aside from not having load, i'm also avoiding her texts.. kung sinasabi niyang kilala niya na ako, dapat alam niya 'to..

i have shared this to my sister.. she gave me the idea that maybe my friend was being possessive.. infairness, she's not the only one who said that.. my most trusted friend also asked me, bakit ba masyadong niyang ginagawang big deal yung pinaggagawa mo? marami kang ibang kaibigan na nakakaalam and yet hindi ka namin masyadong pinakikialaman.. kung magkakamali ka man, alam kong kaya mong i-solve yun mag-isa.. that's what she said to me.. actually, i got her point..

as i thought about it, she's kinda right, my trusted friend that is.. i'm starting to feel that my friend is starting to somewhat "freak me out".. i dunno, dunno the exact words to describe it..

the point is.. my point is.. actually i don't know where this thoughts are going.. maybe, i just hate it whenever she starts asking me questions.. that's it..

exactly 2 weeks before graduation

as i have mentioned in the title, it's exactly 2 weeks before our graduation..

i will be marching on the 28th of march, 4 pm..

i will then be proclaimed as one of the graduates of Manila Science High School batch 2007..

i will be then high school graduate, soon-to-be college student..

i will in that moment 2 weeks from now..

this is what's happening right now...

i am constantly crying at home, without any known reason..

i always stay in my room, at the corner where i scribble things in my 'universal' notebook..

anxiety, fear, excitement; these can be the reasons..

i'm looking forward to our graduation but i am making it such a big deal..

i feel like after that, i should likely be more responsible in everything i do..

it sucks, but while i'm typing this, i thought, "why am i making such a big deal about this anyway?"

i really don't know, maybe that's just how i really feel..

another thing that's making me cry this past few days is because of my 'status' in school..

i see myself, again, this past few days, isolating myself from my friends..

again, i am not quite sure on why i do this but i fell like i need to, in order to prepare myself when the time comes that i won't be able to see them..

why do i make graduation sound so bad?

it's as if i'd never be able to see my friends again once i get into college..

i know it sound very shallow, but it also surprises me that i feel this way towards grad..

i think the point is, i hate what i'm feeling..

i am not an emotional person, i don't want to be one..

i hate to be one..

i just don't like showing my emotions..

it sucks you know, feeling this way..

i can't blame you if you think that i'm so shallow..

i'm making an issue over small things, waah!

hope this feeling will stop..

soon so i will be able to be happy when i see myself marching..

for it is exactly 2 weeks before graduation...

nobody does it better.. waah! LSS!

finally, the song i've been singing for the past weeks.. haha! i've found the lyrics of the song.. kasi naman eh, napanood ko kas yung "Little Black Book" na movie, yan tuloy, last song syndrome ako.. nyahaha!

Nobody does it better
Makes me feel sad for the rest
Nobody does it half as good as you
Baby you're the best
I wasn't looking
but somehow you found me
I tried to hide from your lovelight
but like heaven above me
the spy who loved me
is keeping all my secrets safe tonight
And nobody does it better
Though sometimes I wish someone could
Nobody does it quite the way you do
Why d'you have to be so good?
The way that you hold me
whenever you hold me
There's some kind of magic inside you
that keeps me from runnning
but just keep it coming
how'd you learn to do the things you do
And nobody does it better
makes me feel sad for the rest
nobody does it half as good as you
baby baby
darling you're the best
baby you're the best

yay! ayan na yun! wala lang.. di ko alam kung bakit ko naaalala ko pa rati ang kanta na yan.. i've been busy talaga with the past few weeks.. ang dami ko pang iniisip, puro personal at siyempre, problema sa school..
pero isa sa mga nagustuhan kong nangyari over the weekend is, yung nagkaayos na kami ni erick.. yay! ok na kami ulit..
ge, mga tao,, next time na ulit.. hehe.. inaantok na ako eh.. bye!

ay naku, nakakastarstruck sila!

grabe, ang haggard ng araw na ito! kanta ng kanta buong araw.. kanta sa room, kanta sa lobby, kanta sa harap ng main building at kanta sa auditorium.. pero ok lng.. maganda naman yung ginawa namin eh..

grabe kamo, nakakastarstruck talaga ang kagandahan at katangkaran nung mga candidates n pumunta s school.. sila miss Bahamas, Nigeria, Korea, Costa Rica, Lithuania, Nicaragua, Mexico, Chile, Finland, India, Ecuador, Albania tsaka Saint Lucia.. grabe, maganda talaga sila tsaka poised parati..

ano ba naman yan, syempre may pics ako nung mga candidate.. uhm,, ehem,, kasama nila kami, un buong choir, sa picture n yan.. andun ako sa taas nung miss India na katabi yung miss Korea.. yung sa may gitna.. nakakatuwa talaga.. ang galing! andami ko pang pics ng visit ng miss earth sa school eh, baka i-upload ko nalang for my next post..

anyways, at least for this day, nakalimot ako ng mga bagay bagay na medyo pinoproblema ko.. pero ngayong tapos na ang araw na ito, unti-unti ko na namang naaalala ang mga nangyari sa akin noong isang linggo.. nakakabuwisit talaga..

HAAAYYYY!!!!!!!! EWAN! basta maganda sila.. tulad ko! nyahahaha!

HIM

i finally realized how lucky i am to have him..


having someone who understand completely what had happened..
having someone so understanding..

having someone appreciate the fact that i told him i cheated on him..
having someone so appreciative of me being honest even if the truth hurts him a lot..

having someone get angry about it yet still understood why it happened..
having someone so open-minded..

having someone who doesn't blame me nor himself for what happened..
having someoene so trusty..

having someone to care for me more because of me being honest to him..
having someone so, so caring..

having someone who neglects every bad thing i did to hurt him..
having someone so loving..

having someone who still sees an opportunity after all of what happened..
having someone so hopeful..

having someone who really still truly loves me, even loves me more, after what i 've done..
having someone I also love..

having someone who only asks for trust..
having someone like him..